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This is the book the congregation is reading RIGHT NOW. The plot sections below are sealed behind a blur. Tap them only if you have finished, or if you are the kind of person who reads the last page first, in which case Kel already knows and has logged it.
COLIN GETS PROMOTED AND DOOMS THE WORLD
Mark Waddell, 2025
Case File · 813.6 WAD · Horror, Corporate
Bill's pick · Book No. 9★ THE CURRENT DECREE
the_gist
Colin works at Dark Enterprises, a multinational corporation that runs, in every meaningful respect, like Hell: performance reviews, Human Resources, Mergers & Acquisitions, and an in-house demon-summoning operation hiding behind the jargon. Colin is meek, overlooked, and fairly sure he is about to be fired, which at this company is not a figure of speech. So when a shadowy stranger offers him a promotion in exchange for one small, vague favour, he says yes. Company policy is very clear that employees must not strike deals with unauthorised personnel on Dark Enterprises property. Colin has now struck one. People begin vanishing across New York, and the world, it turns out, may be ending. It is a horror comedy, and a workplace satire, written by a Canadian historian of science who now lives on Vancouver Island with his husband and plays Dungeons & Dragons. Bill would like it noted that this was a coincidence.
Exhibit C: a cubicle after hours. The meeting invite has no sender, no agenda and no end time. Colin has accepted it.
the_staff
ColinLow-level employee. Meek. Self-loathing. About to make a career decision.
AmiraHis roommate. Sets him up on a date, which is the bravest thing anyone does in this book.
EricThe date. Handsome, charming, and alarmingly keen. Bill has questions.
The StrangerShadowy. Unauthorised. Offers excellent terms. Read the small print.
Dark EnterprisesThe employer. Hell, but with a staff handbook.
HRExists. Should be feared. Has never once helped anybody.
what_happens (SEALED)
The review. A vindictive supervisor has written Colin up, and at Dark Enterprises a bad review can end with you dead. He is out of options, and very nearly out of employment.
The deal. A promotion, in exchange for a vague favour, struck with something he should never have been talking to. It turns out to be an ancient evil, it has been released, and it is hungry for souls.
The commute. New Yorkers start disappearing, and Colin is responsible. Meanwhile the colleagues who made his life a misery begin to meet the Stygian Maw. He is, briefly, doing quite well at work.
The upper floors. The promotion pulls him up into the senior ranks, where the real horrors of the company come into view, and where he learns what the thing he released actually wants. It includes him, Eric and Amira, on the menu.
The ending. Sealed by the Librarian until after the Convocation. Whether Colin is a monster is to be argued in person, loudly, over snacks.
weird_things
It was a USA Today bestseller, which means a great many people bought a book about middle management and felt seen.
It was shortlisted for the 2026 Leacock Medal for Humour, Canada's big prize for funny books. The book is about eldritch horror eating Manhattan. Canada found this funny. Canada is correct.
The author has a PhD in the history of science, medicine and technology from Johns Hopkins, taught at Michigan State for fifteen years, and plays viola in a community orchestra. He then wrote this.
Reviewers keep comparing Dark Enterprises to Wolfram & Hart from Angel. If you understood that reference, you are the target demographic, and so is Bill.
club_record
Bill's pick, ratified by Kel, who has reviewed the premise and confirms she would never need to make a deal with an eldritch being because she already runs book club. Selected after the congregation spent a whole book being nice to each other in space and needed something with teeth. Content warnings: workplace horror, people being eaten, and a protagonist the club is going to argue about.
APPROVED
Form P-666 · Request for Promotion
EmployeeCOLIN
Current titleJunior Associate
Level1 of 7
Souls invoiced to date0
HR reminds all staff that deals with unauthorised personnel are prohibited on company property.